Forgoing for the moment that a Poltergeist remake is already a bad idea, the track record of the chosen writers isn’t inspiring a lot of confidence.

Admittedly, the co-writers of the original were not really of note at the time (except for that Spielberg guy). But you imagine that you’d want to turn to someone with the credentials to turn in a screenplay as strong as, if not better than, the source material. Frank Darabont comes to mind. Sam Raimi. Peter Jackson.

Or, if you can’t afford to go A-list, how about Steven Moffat, who has written some creepy-as-hell eps of Doctor Who, many involving children?

Or you can go with the folks who wrote Boogeyman. Your call.

Yes, yes, everyone’s all a-twitter about Billy Bob being maybe sorta kinda cast as Freddie Kruger in the upcoming Nightmare on Elm Street remake. But I think we’re missing the larger point which is, they’re still doing a Nightmare on Elm Street remake. Adding Billy Bob to the mix does not improve or detract from the fact that Michael Bay’s “let’s remake every horror film ever made except far, far crappier” Platinum Dunes shingle is on the case. You could announce that the re-animated corpse of Don Knotts is going to play Freddie Kruger, you’re still remaking Nightmare on Elm Street. It has not suddenly become a good idea.

That having been said I think they’re overlooking the far more obvious choice of that creepy old guy from those Six Flags commercials. Just throw some finger-blades on that dude and he’s ready to go. He could even do that same dance. Scaaary!

Watch this and tell me you are not frightened out of your mind.

Ever seen one of those retrospectives that begins with a phrase like, “The year was 1980. Television audiences reveled to Hawaii Five-O while movie audiences enjoyed Fame.”? With the number of film and now television remakes currently underway, you could very well have one of those articles begin with a phrase like, “The year was 2009. Television audiences reveled to Hawaii Five-O while movie audiences enjoyed Fame.”

This is a temporal version of the disorientation that occurs when you can’t tell where you are because you are surrounded by McDonald’s and Starbucks, which means you could be anywhere.