Everybody who predicted Ridley Scott directing a movie version of the board game “Monopoly”, you win what must be a ginormous amount of money in the “What’s Ridley going to do next?” pool.

Now before we argue about who’s going to play the iron (Steve Zahn, natch), let’s discuss what other great filmmakers might tackle what other great board games (besides “Ouija” and “Battleship”, which have already been announced).

Candyland - Peter Jackson

If you can create Middle Earth, you can create Candyland

Operation - John Carpenter

It’d be a lot worse than a loud buzzing noise when you screwed up.

Sorry! - Quentin Tarantino

Would actually be a bunch of guys sitting around playing “Sorry!”  Oh, and they’d curse.  A lot.

This is the closest we’ve come so far to confirmation that Arrested Development will live on in film form. Not the best news, in my opinion. Not because I have anything against the series. On the contrary, it’s one of my all-time favorites (and let that be my way of saying stop reading this right now and go watch all three seasons - I’ll wait).

And not because I don’t think it’ll make a good movie. I’m sure it’ll be hilarious. No, I just wish the news were it’s coming back to television, where it might thrive, rather than as a film where, if history is any measure, movies made from excellent series with a cult following get trounced at the box office, hence destroying any chance of them returning to television or getting sequels.

Case in point: Serenity.

Still, I suppose, two more hours of Arrested Development is better than none at all.

This quote from Chris Nolan in the LA Times on the difficulty in cowboying up for a third Batflick got me thinking…

“On a more superficial level, I have to ask the question: How many good third movies in a franchise can people name? [Laughs.] At the same time, in taking on the second one, we had the challenge of trying to make a great second movie, and there haven’t been too many of those either. It’s all about the story really. If the story is there, everything is possible. I hope that was a suitably slippery answer.”

Well, how many good third movies in a franchise can you name?  Off the top of my head…

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (seriously, it may be the best in the series besides the original)

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Goldfinger (technically the third in the James Bond series)

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Return of the Jedi (Ewoks notwithstanding)

Die Hard: With a Vengeance (I might be alone on that one)

The Bourne Ultimatum

and, of course, High School Musical 3: Senior Year.  I haven’t seen it myself, but I hear good things.

Of course, Nolan makes a good point.  Even with all these titles, I can rattle off many more threequels that sucked (*cough* all of May 2007 *cough*), but what do you think?

Is it sad that when I first heard the title of this film, all I could think of was “Sex Farm” by Spinal Tap? Still, it’ll be nice to see Joe Pesci get back into the swing of things, and I’m sure Helen Mirren will give Julie Christie and Dolly Parton a run for their money as one of cinema’s great madams.

When I heard that Don Cheadle was joining the cast of Iron Man 2, I thought, “Awesome!  Don Cheadle and Terence Howard in the same movie!”  And then I read the rest of the article.

That is to say the future of docs is online, to look at recent events.  First you have the excellent No End in Sight appearing in its entirety on YouTube, becoming the first wide release to do so (well, with permission).  Then you have Michael Moore’s Slacker Uprising premiering as a free download (read his comments on the U.S./Canada exclusivity of that deal) and in one movie theater.  Finally, you have Crawford which, after a festival run, skipped theatrical altogether, premiering on Hulu a few days ago.

And all of these docs are available for free-ninety-nine.

Now, is this a great business model?  Probably not.  It may evolve into one.  And I don’t know that it’s a hundred times worse than the current business model of hope for distribution from one of the few indie divisions that hasn’t shuttered over the past year.

The better question is will this be limited to political docs.  Clearly the intent here is not to make money so much as a statement.  It’s no coincidence that No End in Sight will cease its YouTube run on November 4.

On the other hand, the limited Hulu run of Crawford coincides with its unlimited availability on DVD, so if sales get a bump, who’s to say other genres won’t follow suit?

Hollywood is wasting no time making movies about the new Big Bad that’s in all the papers. Well, one movie, anyway. In the upcoming film Fortuna, it has taken until the year 2100 for economic crises to wipe out the middle class (figured that would happen much, much sooner) leaving only a rich elite and poor masses who play the titular game to become one of the rich elite.

Dominic Monaghan and Freddy Rodriguez will play two contestants who find out, wouldn’t ya know it, the game has a deep, dark, deadly secret.  Seriously, if you can’t trust the rich elite, who can you trust?

Oh, and global warming figures into this all somehow, too.

Remember a few years back when it seemed like Jude Law was in every single film that was being released?  In 2004, he appeared in…

I Heart Huckabees
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
Alfie
Closer
The Aviator
and was the narrarator in Lemony Snicket’s a Series of Unfortunate Events.

It seems like every year some relatively new face finds themselves with the misfortune/boon of appearing in every other film ad thanks to the unpredictable nature of film shooting/release schedules.  This year I feel that honor should go to…drumroll…

Elizabeth Banks.

It was seeing her in the trailer for Role Models that finally clinched it for me, having already seen her recently in ads for W. and Zack and Miri Make a Porno and then remembering that she was also in Definitely, Maybe and, sadly, Meet Dave earlier this year.

Who gets your vote?  Who are you surprised by when they AREN’T in a trailer these days?

In honor of The N Word, a documentary premiering on the Trio Channel, I thought I’d recommend a trio of documentaries that all came out about the same time all dealing, in one way or another, with free speech.

The Aristocrats

A fascinating look at the dirtiest joke ever told that just keeps getting dirtier.  I saw this film at SXSW and the directors were in attendance and they told us that Bob Saget’s version of the joke took over and hour and a half to film.  He actually had to stop in the middle, do a show, then come back to finish it.  It was also one of the funniest versions they’d ever heard.

F*ck

Director Steve Anderson reaches across the aisle to get all sorts of reactions to and meditations on the F-bomb.  My favorite moment comes when Billy Connolly gleefully explains that “Fuck off!” doesn’t mean “Go away,” it means “Fuck. Off.”

This Film Is Not Yet Rated

As much an expose of the MPAA as an exploration of censorship, including an actual investigation of the members conducted by private investigators hired by filmmaker Kirby Dick.

These films also serve as examples of how a documentary can be fun, in case you have any friends that are afraid of The D Word.

I think it’s cool and all that the Academy will begin receiving screeners on Blu-ray, and that one of the first will be The Dark Knight, but I’m willing to bet cash money that there are more Academy members who don’t have a Blu-ray player than haven’t already seen The Dark Knight.

As this article points out, “A couple of Academy members said they tossed the mailer because they don’t have Blu-ray players.”

Now, if they actually sent out Blu-ray players with the screeners, that could get them some votes.

For those of you who lament the sad passing of the Body Switching Era, which lasted roughly one year (’88 - ‘89) with Vice Versa, 18 Again and the lesser-known Coreys classic Dream a Little Dream and saw a brief but isolated resurgence with the (actually quite good) Freaky Friday remake, there is wonderful news.

Raja Gosnell, of Beverly Hills Chihuahua and not-one-but-two Scooby Doo’s fame, is helming Twist, in which, according the IMDB, “A computer programmer and secret agent switch bodies and end up entangled in a web of espionage and intrigue.”

My vote is for Michael Cera as the programmer and Josh Duhamel as the secret agent.  Am I right?

If I told you that the best thing about China Strike Force, which I recently discovered while flipping around on cable, was the fact that there’s a car chase between a Lamborghini and a Formula 1 racer, that would be a lie.  Even the general kick-assery of kung fu star Mark Dacascos (Brotherhood of the Wolf, Cradle 2 the Grave) juxtaposed with wonderfully horrible dialogue (”Have patience? Doctors have patients.”) and acting (or is it just bad dubbing?) under the direction of Hong Kong legend Stanley Tong isn’t what makes this stand out.

No, the best thing about this film is that 90’s rap sensation Coolio plays a drug dealer named…wait for it…Coolio.  When one of the characters refers to “that new drug dealer in town, Coolio,” it takes a minute to register.  And then you realize, they didn’t bother coming up with a name for his character!

Now, this isn’t unheard of in Hong Kong cinema.  On many occasions, Jackie Chan has played a character named Jackie.  In fact, half the cast of this movie play characters that share their names.

But the plausibility of a character being named Jackie is relatively high compared to the chances of someone being named Coolio and not actually being 90’s rap sensation Coolio.  So I can only assume that this is Coolio’s way of telling us that he is, in fact, an international drug smuggler who will kill his very own hitman at the drop of a hat.

So if you see Coolio, do not approach him.  Do not make direct eye contact.  Unless you intend to purchase large quantities of drugs smuggled into your country in some elaborate-yet-predictable way, best to avoid him altogether.

From what I can gather from this Hollywood Reporter story, our recent economic woes forecast the following for studios: If you’re already in trouble (I’m looking at you, MGM UA) you’re still in trouble, and if you’re already doing well (Marvel) you’ll probably stay that way. On the other hand, consider this quote from an anonymous Tinseltown suit on Bank of America’s acquisition of Merrill Lynch, with whom MGM has significant financial ties.

“The new owners will have teams of accountants who will be looking at every loophole and trap door in the deal because that’s what they do — and they’re being told to get rid of all their risky investments,” the high-ranking film exec opined.

Here’s the thing. ALL OF HOLLYWOOD is “risky investments.” So, on second thought, they’re all screwed.

Are Conservatives funny?

And I don’t mean in a “Ha, ha! Look at that wacky Conservative!” kind of way. I mean in a creative make-me-laugh with your stinging satire kind of way.

This is what I thought about watching the decidedly unfunny An American Carol trailer, which advertises the latest film from ZAZ vet David Zucker, himself (along with many of the leads) a Conservative.

Well, that answers your question right there. Airplane! is one of the funniest films of all time, and Zucker, to the best of my knowledge, was not a hippie when he wrote and directed it with Jim Abrahams and Jerry Zucker.

At the same time, what makes this film stand out is that it’s one of the few comedies to poke fun at liberals. So maybe the better questions are; is making fun of liberals funny, and if so, why is it so rare outside of talk radio?

The answer to the first part is a resounding yes, as Trey Parker and Matt Stone have demonstrated time and again on South Park. Their “Smug Alert!” ep is still one of the best. Not to mention the beating Hollywood liberals take in Team America: World Police. Part of what makes their humor work is that instead of calling for a dedication to the left or the right, they generally call for reason, skewering any position that defies it.

And to explain the scarcity, yes, Hollywood is disproportionately staffed by the left-leaning. There are many arguments to made as to why, not the least of which is artistic endeavors self-selecting for the liberal-minded. But a more fundamental hurdle is the fact that the words “conservative” and “humor” generally don’t run together, since humor, for the most part, involves making fun of order. And conservatives - the very word “conservative” - connote preserving the established order.

The Marx Brothers didn’t get their chuckles telling the rich and powerful they were doing just fine.

Now, certainly there are many rich and powerful liberals, and here’s where conservative humor stands a shot, but that still doesn’t explain why Zucker’s trailer just doesn’t look funny.

I think there’s a far simpler explanation. Basically, the last truly great comedy he directed was The Naked Gun. The trailer for An American Carol reminds me of the latter days of Zucker’s career, the Scary Movies 3 and 4, and their unfortunate progeny, the Epic Date Disaster Superhero Meet the Spartans Movies.

And no matter what your political affiliation, those just aren’t funny.

So remember my post about the guy with the thing in the place?  Well, turns out veteran Ethiopian filmmaker (and friend of my dad’s) Haile Gerima won not only one, but two awards at Venice for his new film Teza: Special Jury Prize and Best Screenplay.

Now I’m more curious than ever to check it out, not to mention Darren Aronofsky’s (not a friend of my dad’s) latest, The Wrestler, which took home the Golden Lion.

My father was born in Ethiopia.  He’s friends with an Ethiopian filmmaker named Haile Gerima.  I met Gerima many years ago but hadn’t really thought about him in a while.  Then I was reading about Teza, a new film about Marxist violence in 80’s Ethiopia that’s making the rounds at Venice and had a mix of surprise upon seeing that Gerima was the director, and then a total lack of surprise when I remembered that he’s been making movies about Africa since 1971 (his best known is probably 1993’s Sankofa).

Given that Gerima often has to self-distribute, an unlikely route to recognition, it’s nice to see him at such a high profile festival.  I’ll keep my fingers crossed for a good reception.

When I read this story about 20-year-old Haley Joel Osment making his broadway debut alongside John Leguizamo and Cedric the Entertainer in David Mamet’s super-grim American Buffalo, my only thought was…

Wait.  Haley Joel Osment is 20?!?

That’s like hearing that that baby from the Nevermind cover is now a junior in high school.

That having been said, I’m very curious to see him speak Mamet.  After being blown away by his performances in The Sixth Sense and A.I., I was sort of disappointed to see him disappear off the radar.

"Chocolate" - This is the kind of stuff I miss when I can't make TIFF.

In 2005, I went to the Toronto Film Festival, which turned out to be the best film festival I’ve ever attended.  It’s the kind of fest where Shane Black gets as much applause as Val Kilmer and Robert Downey Jr at the Kiss Kiss Bang Bang premiere.  It’s the kind of fest where you see two future Best Picture nominees back to back in one afternoon (Capote and Brokeback Mountain).

I haven’t been able to make it back, so every year I look longingly at the selections on their site.  The Midnight Madness program alone is usually enough to whet my appetite.  Here’s a few from this year that caught my eye…

The Burrowers

An Old West creature feature with character actor/Lost faves William Mapother and Clancy Brown.

Chocolate

Ong Bak creators Prachya Pinkaew and Panna Rittikrai introduce Jija Yanin, the female answer to Tony Jaa.

JCVD

Post-modern Jean Claude Van Damme.  Seriously.

Not Quite Hollywood

It’s rare that a doc makes it into Midnight Madness, so when it does, I pay attention.  Here we have a look at Australian exploitation cinema of the 70’s and 80’s, which was apparently pretty effed up.

Sexykiller

Looks as silly as the title, but in that awesome Midnight Madness kind of way.

Forgoing for the moment that a Poltergeist remake is already a bad idea, the track record of the chosen writers isn’t inspiring a lot of confidence.

Admittedly, the co-writers of the original were not really of note at the time (except for that Spielberg guy). But you imagine that you’d want to turn to someone with the credentials to turn in a screenplay as strong as, if not better than, the source material. Frank Darabont comes to mind. Sam Raimi. Peter Jackson.

Or, if you can’t afford to go A-list, how about Steven Moffat, who has written some creepy-as-hell eps of Doctor Who, many involving children?

Or you can go with the folks who wrote Boogeyman. Your call.

Warners just handed Summit their first Event Picture.

Coming to the CW, er, I mean, theaters this fall.

Rather than face down the “will probably do better than any of us are willing to admit” Day the Earth Stood Still remake on December 12, the company’s Twilight will now do battle with the “will probably do worse than Disney expects…well, a lot worse now” talking dog romp Bolt in the vacated Harry Potter slot.

The pre-Thanksgiving weekend release, the Rain Man suite of fall dates, takes this from a less than $100 million grossing curiosity to a $100 million plus contender.

But the real win here is all the news and blog posts (this included) now that will fan the Harry Potter comparisons that the series has already been courting. Even if, in reality, there’s no comparison at all.

The final book in the Twilight series sold 1.3 million copies in the first 24 hours. The final book in the Harry Potter series sold 8.3 million copies in its first 24.

But anybody who hasn’t heard of the series will now hear it in the same breath as Harry Potter and feel, maybe, like they need to give it the same attention.

And that is how you market a movie.