If I told you that the best thing about China Strike Force, which I recently discovered while flipping around on cable, was the fact that there’s a car chase between a Lamborghini and a Formula 1 racer, that would be a lie.  Even the general kick-assery of kung fu star Mark Dacascos (Brotherhood of the Wolf, Cradle 2 the Grave) juxtaposed with wonderfully horrible dialogue (”Have patience? Doctors have patients.”) and acting (or is it just bad dubbing?) under the direction of Hong Kong legend Stanley Tong isn’t what makes this stand out.

No, the best thing about this film is that 90’s rap sensation Coolio plays a drug dealer named…wait for it…Coolio.  When one of the characters refers to “that new drug dealer in town, Coolio,” it takes a minute to register.  And then you realize, they didn’t bother coming up with a name for his character!

Now, this isn’t unheard of in Hong Kong cinema.  On many occasions, Jackie Chan has played a character named Jackie.  In fact, half the cast of this movie play characters that share their names.

But the plausibility of a character being named Jackie is relatively high compared to the chances of someone being named Coolio and not actually being 90’s rap sensation Coolio.  So I can only assume that this is Coolio’s way of telling us that he is, in fact, an international drug smuggler who will kill his very own hitman at the drop of a hat.

So if you see Coolio, do not approach him.  Do not make direct eye contact.  Unless you intend to purchase large quantities of drugs smuggled into your country in some elaborate-yet-predictable way, best to avoid him altogether.