Boo-yah! It’s time for a troop of millennial teens to kick some Axis of Evil ass! According to The Hollywood Reporter, one of the most unforgettable movies of the ’80s, Red Dawn, is slated for a remake, and my imagination is running wild. In case you haven’t seen it, and you really should, it’s a Reagan-era crapsterpiece in which a bunch of Soviet and Cuban soldiers parachute into a Wyoming town as part of an all-out invasion of the USA. A band of gun-toting teens heads for the hills and forms an insurgency (or is it a counterinsurgency?), and they all become heroes in the end. Did you know it was the first movie ever to carry the PG-13 rating? So let’s see…here are my suggestions:

• Instead of Commies, Al-Qaeda and some North Korean ninjas
• Instead of Patrick Swayze, Milo Ventimiglia
• Instead of Charlie Sheen, Shia LeBeouf
• Instead of Lea Thompson, Miley Cyrus
• Instead of Harry Dean Stanton, oh what the hell, bring him back!